Well, it's been one heck of a week to say the least and I don't think I would've survived it without Abbi and Eric's support. I want to thank you two from the bottom of my heart for listening and reassuring me these past several days. I posted the things that have not changed about the little man as of late in the pictures above, but there have been other things that have, in my mind, changed dramatically just recently. Raf's been, well, more serious than usual and inattentive. Because of what we know about Imogen and autism, I've always been a bit worried about this baby and when I found out he was a boy, I was, obviously overjoyed, but also a bit more worried in the back of my mind based on statistics, statistics about boys, siblings on the spectrum, and autism. So since he's been in our lives, I've continued to look for any clues, watch out for any red flags, and with all my looking, I've felt very confident and comfortable with the little guy....until recently. I noticed it on Easter Sunday. He didn't respond to his name when I called it time and time again in hopes that he might shoot me that big grin he usually does as I snap a photo. Sure, he smiled a little but nowhere near the usual amount and he seemed totally oblivious to his name suddenly. We were outside, so I thought he might be distracted by the breeze, trees, and whatnot. Unfortunately, this trend did not seem to end thereafter either. I began to "test" him repeatedly but to no avail. I began to panic, really panic. For the last week I've found it difficult to do anything other than worry with that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and repeatedly call his name in hopes that he would look at me and grin. Nine times out of ten, Raf ignored me and avoided most eye contact until today. Today, he looked at us when we called most times, all of us, he smiled, he babbled, he laughed, all of these things he did repeatedly. So, I don't know. I don't know what to think. We met with the pediatrician yesterday. He didn't pass her tests and she wants him back tomorrow. better rested too, for a hearing test but I KNOW he hears. He's more likely to look at us from way across the room when we call him, he'll respond to whispers, he'll startle, on occasion, to loud noises. Heck, even Eric has been worried about him. I continue to hope that each day will get progressively better from here on out, or at least, if he could be engaged on most days. So, today has been a good day. Maybe he's been busy practicing his new skills, getting complacent with all the hullabaloo and chaos in our large family, maybe his new teeth have left him crabby or tired. I don't know. I do not know what the future holds, but I hope my little boy is here to stay with us, with his family who adores him so much, that he'll continue to smile and laugh and love us as always. I hate that this has happened, that I thought things were okay and now, I don't know anything for certain. I guess it's kind of like life. Nothing is guaranteed, as we've been shown. Not that I didn't savor all of these special things about Rafferty before, but now I have a greater appreciation for all of those little things he does that let us know he's healthy, happy, and engaged.